so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
