You're my little dorito
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
