the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
