Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
