i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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