i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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