i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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