Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
