...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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