Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
