Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
