I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Be still, my beating vagina.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
