once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
