I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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