we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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