More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
