Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is Oprah even human
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
