so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
