Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
