Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
