when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
