Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
they're like a gay fantastic four
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
