i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
