I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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