cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize