I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My balls are so social today.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
