her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
