I puked a lego.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
