'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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