Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
