woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You dont lie about slip and slides
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
