i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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