She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
