i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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