We're like a lot better than the average bears
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
