I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
