im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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