Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
BRING THE BAGELS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
