So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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