I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
