She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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