i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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