I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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