Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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