8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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