So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
