i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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