life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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