all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
