I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
