Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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