Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
