Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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