Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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