He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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