Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
