Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
