You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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