Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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