Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
