i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
