Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
