How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
