There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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