You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
