I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
