i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
