tell your sister to shave her snatch
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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