We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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