so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
