Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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