That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
