I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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