In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
