I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize