life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
