Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
