so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
