That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
