And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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