evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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