Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
