I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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