Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
