I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
