Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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