i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
