she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
