Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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