Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize