Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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