Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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