I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
