Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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