I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
