i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
