My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
