i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
