Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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