I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
